The Weight of the World
by wiccangrrl13
Summary: Pacey runs into Joey years after they've lost touch, and finds more then his heart.
1. Chapter 1

She watched the sun rise again this morning. It never got old. The view from her New York Apt gave an excellent view of the city, as well as the sun rise in the morning and the sun set at nite. She laughed as she thought about what Jen had told her all those years ago, "New York is finishing school for cynics like us." It appeared it was. She fought so hard against being that cynic, but how could she not be. She sat curled up on the window seat, a blanket over her for extra warmth. She grabbed her coffee and took a sip before replacing it on the table. She got up and went into the kitchen to make some breakfast. It was time to start her day. The house was silent and the light dim as she took out the pan to make some eggs. She opened the fridge and smiled. She always smiled when she stood before that door. Not because of the food, though she did love to eat, but because of the only picture on there that was not of her daughter. It was a picture of her and Dawson, Pacey, Jen, Jack and Andie. Her best friends. Yet it had been so many years since she'd last seen or spoken to them.

The eggs cooking and the smell of bacon wafting through the air had apparently coaxed Max out of bed. She came walking into the kitchen. Hair matted on one side and flat on the other. Pillow creases on her face. Looking as beautiful as she ever had in her five years.

"That smells good." She said as she came over to hug Joey.

"It better it's your breakfast." Joey playfully slapped her on the bottom. "Why don't you set the table while I finish."

She watched as her daughter slowly walked with the plates, and sat down each one softly. She was such a funny girl. But when it came to setting a table, you would have thought it was rocket science. She had to have everything just right. It would take her a good 10 to 15 minutes to set a table for just the two of them.

When the eggs were done she brought Joey the plates for the food. The two of them sat at the table sipping apple juice.

"Are you excited about your field trip today?"

Max's face automatically lit up. "Mommy I'm so excited!" She squealed. Today her kindergarten class was taking a trip to the Luxburg Theatre. A small off Broadway show of the Velveteen Rabbit was being put on especially for the kids. It was her favorite book. She quickly finished her food and asked to be excused.

Joey let her go head while she cleared the table and put the plates in the dish washer. Then she made her way into Max's room. She had put three dressed on the bed.

"Mom I don't know which one to wear." She was so different then Joey at that age. All she wanted to wear were jeans. But this one? She liked her dressed and her bows. Joey pretended to put each dress up to Max for a quick fashion show. Max giggled or posed with each new dress.

"I like the blue one." Joey said.

"Good choice mom." And she put on the dress. "But, what shoes?"

Joey couldn't help but laugh. How could this be her daughter?

"Don't laugh mommy."

"I'm sorry. Ok, let's put these on." And in no time she was ready to go. Matching blue ribbons in her hair.

Joey drove her to school and stopped outside. She got out and walked her over to where the busses were. Her teacher Ms. Hammer was waiting by the door and checking in each student as they got on.

"Good morning Shirley." Joey smiled.

"Don't I look beautiful?" Max asked.

"Stunning darling. Simply stunning."

Max, proud of the compliment took her lunch bag from Joey and kissed her. "Bye mom"

"Bye" Joey smiled as Max immediately started bossing people around when getting on the bus. Ok, so she was somewhat like her mother.

"You look good Joey." Ms. Hammer said.

"Thanx. Are you ready for all this?"

"A teacher is never truly ready for a bus trip with 40 students. That's why I enlisted the new teacher to help."

"I see, make the newbie do all the grunt work huh?"

"You got me." She laughed. "That and he's got that eye candy factor."

"Shirley!"

"Hey, I'm 32, unmarried, and he's hot. Don't blame me for using my seniority for evil."

"So where is this new eye candy?"

"He's already on the bus, checking all the permission slips."

There was laughing from inside the bus and Joey looked up. She could see Max laughing like crazy.

"Must be the new guy huh?"

"Oh, the kids absolutely love him. And you can tell he loves them too. Makes him so much for attractive."

Is that all you think about!" Joey joked.

" 32 Joey, 32. I'm surprised Max hasn't mentioned him to you. She loves him. She even goes looking for him at recess. And they laugh and play the whole time."

Joey looked down slightly. "Guess she needs some sort of male role model."

"Hey, that's not what I meant. But I think he's a good influence on her."

The bus roared with laughter again and she heard a voice that made her freeze.

"Ok then James, Max and I will remember that one right Max?"

"Right."

"And why is that….."

"Cause you remember everything." The choirs of children answered.

"That's right, I'm like an elephant. I remember everything."

Joey flashed to her the Antiprom. Her in Pacey's arms. His hand on her neck and his voice soft in her ear… "I remember everything." But before she could even begin to process that it MIGHT be him, he was there. Walking down the stairs of the bus.

"I think we're all good to go inside Shirley… Let's get this party bus on the road."

"Good morning." He smiled at her quickly as he turned the other direction. Only to stop in a few short steps.

"Pacey." Shirley called. "I want you to meet…"

"Joey?" He turned around. "Is that actually you?" He smiled.

"Hey Pacey." She said as she brushed her hair behind her ears. He couldn't believe it was her, or that fact that the simple acts of moving her hair still made his stomach knot.

"You two know each other?" Shirley asked.

Pacey laughed. "Well, knowing each other is kind of an understatement. We grew up together."

He walked over to Joey and hugged her. It felt so good. She hugged him back, and laughed to herself. He still smelled the same.

"I don't mean to interrupt… ok well, I do, but only because we have to get this bus on the road."

"Ok, I'll let you guys get going then. Pacey, it was good to see you." She smiled and walked off.

Pacey just stood and watched her walk away.

"I'm guessing there's a whole history there that I'm not aware of." Shirley said.

He laughed. "A long, drawn out, crazy history. How do you know her?"

"She's Max's mom." She answered and got on the bus.

Pacey didn't know what to think. Joey had a daughter.

Joey got back to her car and sat in the drivers seat. It was him. Always when she least expected it. Always when she didn't need it. And now, she didn't need this. Her life was crazy enough without the complication of Pacey Whitter. Already a headache. This was going to be great day. She reached in her purse for some pills. And took them with the coffee she'd brought from home. Sighing she leaned back into the seat and closed her eyes. Her temples pounding she dreaded the drive home.

Back at home the house was quiet again, and she took a shower before getting dressed for Dr. Lipton's Office.

The drive over was long, as she expected. As it was most mornings. The radio played songs from a simpler time. High school. Simpler. Who would ever have thought she would have considered High School a fun time.

"It's been a while since I've seen the way

the candles lite your face…"

She's replayed things in her mind that she doesn't want to think about. Like the time on the skiing trip. By the fire. In the room.

"After all the those things.. do you really need to ask me why?"

She could feel his skin again like the first time in that room. He hands on his chest. He body against his. On him, over him…

"And it's been a while but I can still remember

just the way you taste…"

Or outside by the fire at Aunt Gwens

" I'm gonna kiss you now and if you don't want me to, well then you're just gonna have to stop me…. 5…."

That first time his lips touched hers. Knowingly. Willingly. She lost herself that nite in a way she would never again lose herself. Knowing everything with that one kiss. Even at 17 even at 18 hell even at 30 she'd never been unsure of that kiss.

She came to a stop at the light and changed the channel. Turning in past the light, the hospital parking lot was empty. Only a few doctors parked in the designated area. "Must be golf morning." She laughed to herself. Her cell rang and she answered it as she got out of the car.

"Hello?"

"Joey?" There was panic in the voice and she knew who it was.

"Shirley, what's wrong."

"There's been an accident. Max is ok. She's a little brused, but otherwise unhurt."

"What happened?" She could feel the panic in her rise. "Shirely what happened?"

"Joey?" suddenly Pacey's voice was on the line.

"Pacey what happened?"

"Everything is fine. I think Shirley is more shook up then the kids. A big rig ran the light hit the rear end of the bus. It spun us around, but everyone is ok. I've got Maxie right here. She's ok. Say hi girlie."

"Hi mom!"

'Hi baby! Are you ok."

"Yeah, but we're not gonna get to see the play."

"I'm sorry baby."

"It's ok mommy, cause Mr. Whitter said he'll take me next time they do it."

"He did?"

"Yes, he did." Pacey was back on the line. "She was so excited. More excited then anyone else. I had to promise. You know how I get when I see a Potter girl crying."

Joey tried to quickly move past it. "So what's happening now?"

"The school district has sent another bus to take us back to the school. We're contacting parents to come pick up the kids."

"Ok, I'll be there." And she hung up. She hated hearing his voice. It was a reminder of things she'd long let slide. She dialed Dr. Lipton.

"Dr. Lipton's office this is Rachel"

"Rachel it's Joey. I was suppose to be there at 9:00 but I'm not going to be able to make it."

"Is everything ok?"

"Yeah. I just need to pick up Max."

"Ok, I'll see you on Thursday then."

"Thanx. Bye."

She hung up the phone and got back in the car. It seemed like only minutes before she arrived at the school. Max was waiting outside with Pacey.

"Hi momma."

"Hi baby girl. Hi Pacey."

"Bye Max. I'll see you tomorrow ok." Max nodded and got in the passenger side of the car. "Jo."

There was silence. It was Pacey who spoke first.

"I'm not sure what's going on here Joey. But Obviously you aren't as happy to see me as I am you. So, let's not make this harder. When you see me I'll be Mr. Whitter and you'll Mrs……"

"Ms …" She corrected

"Ms. Potter, Max's mom. No harm no foul. Ok."

She just stood there unsure of what to say. In reality that was the best, safest scenario.

"Ok then."

And he turned and walked off. It was she who watched him walk away. If only he knew. There was so much to tell him about. So much he'd want to hear, but it would only complicate matters. She'd tell him when she had to.

That nite at home after Max was in bed for the 3rd and final time she pulled out her old photo albums. Bessie had made her an album for graduation from Worthington. It was a from birth to adulthood thing that Bessie loved. And right in the middle were the pictures she wanted. Her and her friends. Dawson and Pacey. Jack and Jen. Andie and Audrey. She had such good friends once.

It all seemed like a fairy tale now. Once upon a time in a land far, far away. They hadn't intended on drifting apart, but then again who does. It just happened. Jack moved to CA. Andie went to medical school and then who knows what. Jen lives in Manhattan, not too far from her apt, but they hadn't seen each other in years. And Dawson. He tried to make things work out for them. But in the end she didn't love him they way he needed her too and things ended. Not badly, but the friendship wasn't the same either. She thought about Pacey over the years. Wondered how he was, what he was doing, who he was with.

The picture of her and Pacey at the Senior Prom stood on a page all it's own. That was the nite it ended, and those were the words she would never forget.

"You make me feel like I'm nothing!"

She'd played them over and over again in her mind. Nothing. Her headache was back and she took another 2 pills. They were helping less and less. And the headaches were getting worse. She checked on Max, sleeping soundly, before climbing into her own bed for the nite.

She watched the sun rise again this morning. It never got old. The smell of the morning. She loved it, but this morning it was different. She thought about Pacey. It had been over a week since she first saw him again. And he had done exactly as he said he would. When he did see her he spoke shortly and called her Ms. Potter. Max was in the habit of making him wait with her for Joey. So every day when she pulled up Max would be sitting on the step playing with Pacey. And every day he ignored her.

She got Max in the car and drove her to school. She listened while Max talked and talked about Mr. Whitter and school, and her friends. As she pulled up in front of the school she saw him. He was talking to Adam Vincint's Mother Kathey, who was clearly flirting. He saw Joey pull up and Max get out. Max waved to Pacey and ran up the steps into the school. Joey turned back to Pacey who was no where to be seen. Up until she looked out her driver's side window. He stood there tapping slightly. She rolled it down.

"Pacey you scared me."

"Don't you mean Mr. Whitter."

She was silent.

"I just want to let you know that the Luxburg is presenting the Velveten Rabbit this weekend, and I promised Max I would take her, so if it's ok with you Ms. Potter I'd like to make good on that promise."

Joey smiled. "I think she'd love that Pacey." It wasn't right. Maybe things would be harder, but she didn't care anymore. She wanted him back in her life.

He smiled, but was unsure of how to respond. "What's going on here Jo?'

"I'm sorry for my behavior. It just surprised me to see you again, and things in my life are so complicated. But… I was so happy to you again."

"Could've fooled me."

He wasn't going to make this easy on her. "I know, and again I'm sorry." She touched his hand and he knew he was going to melt.

"Coffee. After School. Or Work. What time to do get off?"

"I work from home. I'll see you after school."

She drove off and couldn't help but smile. It was almost 9 and no headache. This was going to be a good day.

It was a fast day anyway and when she picked up Max there was Pacey. Max ran over to the car and hopped in. Pacey waved as he walked over.

"Hey"

"Hey there. I'm gonna go get my car and follow you. Ok."

Max smiled. "Follow us?"

"Mr. Whitter is going to have some lunch with us today."

"Yeah!" Max laughed.

"It better be yeah, or the claw might get you…" Pacey made a claw with his hand and Max laughed.

He followed them to the McDonalds on 121st st.

"McDonald's?" Pacey questioned.

"It's got a play area." Joey explained.

Max ate her Happy Meal and took off to play. "Does she ever run out of energy?" Pacey laughed.

"Only when I knock her out with a hammer." Joey laughed.

There was a silence between them as they watched her play.

"So, what's the story Jo? She's adorable, but fill in the blanks for me."

Joey didn't take her eyes off Max. "Not a long story to tell. Got pregnant, had a baby."

"Come on now Joey. Who's the father? Where is he? What happened?"

"He was…is a wonderful man."

"Max is so smart, and inquisitive, and sweet. And you? Your as beautiful as ever and amazing. If he is so wonderful why isn't he here?"

"He doesn't know."

Pacey was silent. "Why."

"I couldn't do that to him. What happened was a mistake. It was an accident and he was… he didn't need to be bogged down with a baby."

"Don't you think that should have been his choice."

"It was complicated Pacey. Still is."

"Jo, I beginning to think you make things complicated." He laughed. "I can't believe how long it's been. When was the last time we saw each other?"

"Jen's wedding." She answered without thinking.

"Jen got married in…damn it's been almost 6 year. That's way too long."

She smiled. It was too long. She turned to tell Pacey that but he was looking at Max.

"Pacey?" he didn't respond. "Pacey?"

"Joey, six years. Six years. And if I remember correctly the events following Jen's wedding, and I believe that I do…" he trailed off.

"Pacey…" Joey tried to interject.

But Pacey cut her off. "Joey is… Max, mine?"

"Pace…"

"No, no, no… just answer the question."

She turned to watch Max running across the playground. He turned towards her. "Joey?"

"Yes." She said softly. "She is."

Pacey stood up. Joey followed him. "Pacey..wait.."

He just looked at her. "I can't even.. I just can't look at you right now."

He walked off and Max ran over. "Mr. Whitter come play with me."

Pacey's heart was breaking. This beautiful little girl was his. His daughter. His flesh and blood. His **_5_** year old Daughter. He'd missed it all. First words, steps, laugh. All of it. "I'm sorry girlie." He said "Not right now I have to go, but we'll play later ok?"

"Ok."

He looked at Joey who looked like she was about to cry. But he turned and walked out.

There was no sleeping. No matter how hard he tried sleep would not come. All he could see was the beautiful face of the little girl. The little girl he'd be working with at school for over a year. The little girl that told him stories, and held his hand. She was his. The resemblance was there. She looked like a Whitter. She did, and the smart ass attitude… all Pacey. He turned in his bed. His anger overwhelmed him and he slamed his hand into the pillow. He got up and walked around his one room apt.

Six years ago.. almost 6 years ago at Jen's wedding he saw Joey on the dance floor with some guy. Jen had told him it was her boyfriend, but that things weren't going good. And it made him jealous. He hadn't seen her since the second year of collage, and he hated this man. It was his fault. He'd let her go. Told her to move on. But he never did. Not in his heart. He'd always loved her. When he got the invitation to Jen's wedding he was hoping this would be his chance to tell her he wanted to be with her. That he'd never been more sure of anything in his life. That prom nite

"You make me feel like I'm nothing!"

Still resounded in his head after all these years. And it killed him to know he had said those words to her, because what made him fell like he was nothing was that she was everything.

The ran into each other at the champagne table and shared a few drinks. She was tipsy and her boyfriend was in the corner hitting on one of Jen's Bride's Maids. It felt so good to see her and hear her, but he wanted to hit the asshole who was ignoring her. He told her that and she laughed. "Pacey you can't hit everyone who does something to me you don't like."

He remembered the mural, and the punishment he'd gotten for hitting the guy who defaced it. It was worth it.

"I don't need to hit everyone. Just the ones that deserve it." She reached out and touched his face. "I miss you Pacey." She said. He kissed her hand as it passed over his lips. "Why did you leave me? I always loved you. Always."

He took her hand and lead her into the hall away from the crowd. When they were outside he kissed her. She kissed him, soft, and strong, and when they parted he said, "I never stopped loving you Jo."

She took his hand again and pressed the up button on the elevator. He held her on the way up. Her body up against him felt so good. On the 14th floor she lead him off the elevator and into her room. She kissed him again.

"Joey this isn't right."

"He won't be in here Pacey. He's got a plane ticket home tonite. I told him it was over this afternoon, but he didn't want to leave. He always liked Jen. So he's gone, and this room is mine, and I want you to stay. I want you to hold me and kiss me like you use to."

He kissed her and she moaned softly and he lost himself in her breath. He could feel her and hear her and touch her and she held on to him. His arms above her became her anchors. Her hands on his back gave him chills and he never felt more at peace. She fell asleep on his chest when they were done. But his mind wouldn't let him rest. She was everything, and he was trying to become something. Something she wasn't even aware of. And he needed to be something for her. But being the coward that he was he left while she was asleep. Left her a note telling her she would always be the best thing that had ever happened to him.

And when 2 months later he tried to call the # Jen had given him it no longer existed. She had left the boyfriend and moved out. She hadn't even spoken to Jen. That was the last time. The time…

He hit the wall with his fist and blood began trickling down his hand. It was his fault. She told him that nite how she felt and he left. What other choice did she have? He didn't leave her any.


	2. Chapter 2

again, as always I do not own these character, but so love the man who does.

She watched the sun raise again this morning. But she barely noticed it. Three Days since Pacey found out. Three days without a word. She had gone to his classroom the day after. Fear had forced her too, but he wasn't there. The substitute had informed her that he had taken a few days off. Now here it was Saturday, and Max was expecting him to take her to the Velveteen Rabbit. Joey didn't know what to tell her. The phone rang, and she knew it was Bessie. This Saturday morning call was a little habit of theirs. She took the cordless phone back over to her window seat and told Bessie everything.

"Well, what do you think he's going to do?" Bessie Asked.

"I don't know, and that's what scares me. I mean, you know Pacey. He's impulsive, and you know he'll want her in his life."

"But Joey, c'mon this is still Pacey, and he wouldn't do anything to hurt to you."

"Oh sure," Joey smiled sarcastically out the window. "Cause sleeping with him and pouring our my druken heart to him and waking up to a note didn't hurt at all."

Across the room Max strolled in. Feet dragging on the hardwood. Eyes barely opened. She turned on the TV to Cartoon Network and lay on the floor.

There was knock on the door, and Joey pleaded the fifth on Bessie's questions and got off the phone. She looked through the peep hole to see Pacey on the other side. She prepared herself for the confrontation and opened the door.

"Good morning." Was all she could muster.

"Morning." He wondered why it was the no matter what happened he could always remember things about her that others would find boring. Like the time everyone had gotten arrested on Valentines Day and he had confessed to Douggie that he was in love with her. He'd gone to her house the next morning, but chickened out. But he still remember what she looked like in her pajamas that morning. Telling him that she was worried about him too.

She opened the door and walked in slowly. As he did he noticed pictures of Max all around. At all ages. He smiled sadly at a picture of her in the hospital.

"Don't take her away from me."

"What?"

"Please don't take he away from me Pacey. I'm sorry I lied, and I know that doesn't really make anything better, but I didn't know what else to do. I mean you left and I know that it was a mistake that nite. The I was drunk and you were… well, male and things happened, but that you've probably always regretted it but…"

He cut her off. "I'm not planning on taking her away from you Joe."

She stopped and he could visibly see her relief. It was silent for several long moments. "So what now?" She asked.

"You know, I keep wanting to ask you why. You know. Why didn't you call me after that nite? Why not when you found out you were pregnant? Why not from the hospital or on her birthday or father's day or Christmas…" Joey turned away from him. "But the answer is very simple. Why would you? I think that my actions left you without a reason think I was a good guy…"

"I never thought that you weren't Pace.."

"Fact of the matter is I did what I did that nite, not by being with you but by leaving, out of fear. I had just started my final year, student teaching, and was actually going to be somebody and you, you didn't need a work in progress or you would finally see what a loser I was. That with all your success a guy like me would look just pathetic and I didn't want that. I wanted to come to you and say "Look at me. I've done something. I am somebody." But by the time my fear had subsided you were gone. And when I did see you on the rare occasion you were out on a date, and I wasn't about to touch that. So, I'm not going to ask you why Joe. Or how, cause you've clearly done an above average job in raising her on your own, and you've no idea how much respect I have for you, but I do want to know one thing. Ok?"

She nodded at him. Words were simply not an option right now.

"Is there a place in her life for me?" Joey looked at him dumbfounded. "I know it's not going to be easy for her or us, but I would very much like to be a part of her life. Her father.

Joey just stood there. How was it this man could be like this? Why did he have to be so, so, Pacey? He was suppose to be angry. He was suppose to yell, and scream, and accuse and blame. That she was prepared her. But not this.

"You've no idea how often I wanted to call you. Tell you how if felt the first time I felt her move. Or saw the sonogram. The day she was born. Damn Bessie begged me to call you. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I didn't want to pick up that phone and tell you your daughter started school, or learned a word that I'd rather she never repeat ever again. But you know Pace that I didn't want you to feel that because of one mistake your life was over. We had that fear once, a long time ago, and I saw your eyes that day."

"Joe I was 17."

She laughed slightly. "Well if your going to rationalize that with the facts I'm simply not going to explain myself anymore." He laughed with her. "You are on the birth certificate Pacey. As her father."

Pacey peered around the corner at Max. Fully engrossed in Speed Racer. Joey nodded him over.

"I use to love this show when I was your age." He said as he walked over.

"Mr. Whitter! You did?!" Max asked. "They had cartoons then?!" She laughed. As did Joey.

Pacey settled down to watch TV with Max. Joey watched as they laughed and talked. There was no question about him being in her life. Pacey was her father. Max looked over at Joey. "Mom, I'm hungry."

"Yeah mom I'm hungry too." Pacey laughed.

Joey smiled. "Bacon and Eggs ok?"

Pacey got up from the sofa and walked over to the kitchen. Joey was suppose to be cooking breakfast. But instead she was sitting at the table crying. She stopped when she realized her saw her. She jumped up. "Hey Pace, did you want some hashbrowns or just eggs…"

"What's wrong Joe?"

"Nothing."

He stepped in front of her, and grabbed her face. "Don't lie to me Joe."

She looked up at him, tears still in her eyes. "I'm just so happy."


	3. Chapter 3

She watched the sun raise again this morning. It never got old. Max got up and she fixed breakfast and dropped her off at school. She had a lot to do today. Monday's were never fun. She and Rachel poked fun at Dr. Lipton for his tight lip, no smile policy. He was a funny creature. At lunch she stopped at Wendy's. At home she sat herself down on the couch and start editing the story she should have started yesterday. Somewhere between "I use to go there…." And "as a child" she fell asleep. The hardest part was always the beginning.

Finally sitting up she felt the pounding in her head worsen and she lifted herself off the sofa and went into the kitchen to take a couple of pills. She felt her stomach do a flip flop and knew it was coming. She ran to the bathroom. Coming out she picked up the phone and called Pacey.

"What's going on Potter?"

"Pacey do you think you could do me a favor? Could bring Max home from school?"

"You ok Joe?"

"I think I have the flu. Can you do it?"

"Of course."

She lay back on her bed, wet wash cloth on her head. "Damn it!"

Finally she fell asleep.

Rolling over she looked at the clock, 9:45 pm. She sat up straight.

"Shit!" She jumped out of bed and practically flew into the living room. Sitting on the Sofa Pacey flipped through a photo album.

"Feeling better?" He asked when she walked over.

"Where's Max?"

"In bed. And let me tell you, that girl is stubborn! I must have put her to bed 4 times before she actually stayed there."

"She is your daughter Pace. What are you still doing here?"

"Thought you might need some help. And looking at pictures."

Joey sat down on the sofa. "Do me a favor Pace. Go to the closer by the door, and on the top shelf get down the pink and green box."

Pacey did what she asked and noticed that the box was labeled Pacey. He sat down next to Joey and started to hand her the box. She stopped him. "Nope. See the name. It's yours. Open it."

He opened it slowy and stared at the contents inside. He took them out one by one.

"Those are her first shoes. Dirty, and worn cause lord knows she never stopped even then. Those cd's are videos of her first word, first hair cut, first solid food. Her first birthday, Christmas, first new years. Her first time in the pool. First day of school. First time on a swing. That dress is what she wore home from the hospital. Her pacifier. And each of those card are Father's Day Card. That was her favorite animal as a baby. His name was Ali the alligator. There, a photo album full of pictures. A lock of her hair. And anything and everything that has happened to your daughter. I knew some day that I would have to tell you. And I wanted to you to see it all. So from the moment I found out I was pregnant I started this box… for you."

He picked up a picture of Joey, definitely pregnant. She was beautiful.

"Joey, who else knows. Not that Max is mine, but that you had a baby?!"

Joey smiled. "Cause we all remained so close." Pacey smirked at her. "No one Pacey. Just Bessie. I haven't exactly been in contact with anyone. And then why would I?"

"Even Dawson?"

"Especially Dawson. Things between us ended weirdly." She brushed her hair from her eyes. "And even though we wanted to stay friends it was sometimes just too hard, you know. We couldn't talk like we use to. He didn't want to hear who I was with, and I didn't want to hear who he was with. Sometimes wishes from your childhood should never be fulfilled." Pacey silently winced. He had been a wish from her childhood. "I mean, I miss him. I do. But how do you get back the things you once had?" She sighed. "High school seems like another lifetime."

"You know who I miss?"

"Who?" she asked.

"Audrey. That girl knew how to have a good time."

Joey laughed. "She's in LA. Last I heard. Pacey thank you for brining Max home, and staying, and helping, and everything in this box is yours. But your free to go now. You don't have to stay here."

Pacey smiled. "I know I don't have to, but you know Potter that sometimes I do what I want to do, not what you tell me to. Now sick girl lay you head down here and watch some TV with me."

Joey lay out on the sofa. Her head in Pacey's lap. He played with her hair absentmindedly. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Pacey watched her sleeping. She had always been the one. He'd know it long before Dawson had even noticed her, but he denied it. He tried to make thing happen back then, but all she saw was Dawson. And then when they finally got together it had been riddled with problems, and insecurities, and what if's. But he'd always known that she was the one. He'd been with his share of women, Misty, the psycho, who ran over his stuff and left him at a gas station because he told her he'd seen Joey at a club. Gina who was all sprung until they were together and then ran cold, and then hot, and then cold. Natasha who developed a debilitating drug problem and burned anything Joey related he'd had left. The funny thing was all of those women were great when he'd met them, but they all eventually knew they didn't live up to the women he really loved, and that must have killed them. And he'd never felt as at peace as he did right there with her.


	4. Chapter 4

This morning the sun would have to raise alone for Joey lay in bed watching Pacey. Thing with him and gone from good to great. And he practically lived here now. Max seemed less confused with it all then they were. Mr. Whitter became Daddy without a second thought. She look at how peaceful he was. She slipped her way out of bed. It was wrong to have started this with him now. She had needed it so much, but it was wrong.

She would always love him. She got dressed and left for Dr. Liptons. Pacey and Max were gone when she got home. Now that it was summertime Pacey took Max every Monday morning while Joey went to her mettings. She came home and took a nap. Pacey and the girlie came home several hours later. She was sound asleep. Pacey put her to bed and then sat on the sofa. "that little girl drives me crazy. Do you know what she did at the movies? She stood up on the chair… What's wrong?"

He saw his box of Max stuff by the door. "what's going on here Joe?"

She was pacing the floor and the word came out like knives. "I'm sorry that this went the way it went so quickly. It really shouldn't have. I got caught up in Us and her, and this fantasy of what life could be like, but it isn't right. Pacey, it isn't right for me to love you. You are her father and always will be. You may be all she has and that is something that will never change. Never Pace. But this, is, it's just.. you know it's not.. working out ok. So, I put Maxies's things back in the box for you. Take them, they all belong to you. And know that I do love you Pace. Just not now. Not like this ok."

Pacey was floored. "Put your shoes on Joe."

"Did you hear me?"

" I heard you, Joe, and right now I need you to put your shoes on. The sitter will be here in second. Don't argue. Know that I've heard you and we will discuss this later but for now. Just do it. Ok."

She didn't know what else to do but put her shoes on. Samantha arrived to sit with Max. And they rode in silence. Pacey pulled in front of Wofgang Pucks and gave the keys to the parking attendant. Joey stopped at the curb. "Why are we here.?"

"For once, just don't ask questions." He walked inside leaving her standing alone. After few minutes she took a deep breath, and a couple of pill for her headache, and walked into the restaurant. She didn't know where he was so she scanned the crowd until a familiar face caught her eye. Dawson. He smiled when he saw her and waved her over. As she walked closer she saw them. All of them sitting at the table.

"Breathe, Bunny breathe!" Audrey exclaimed as she got up from the table to help the still shocked Joey. "I always knew I took your breath away."

They hugged and Joey slowly came out of her shock. She hugged Dawson and smiled. "It's been a long time."

"Too long Joe." He smiled back.

Jack pratically picked her up, and Jen smiled widely as they embraced. Andie as dorkie as ever bounded over everyone to get her hug. They all settled down at the table and began ordering drinks.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you all, but what the hell are your doing here?" Joey asked.

Audrey flashed her bright blue towards Pacey. "That feak. He decided it was time we got together again."

Joey turned to Pacey. "You did this?"

"Hey, I plead the fifth Potter." He quickly turned away from her glare, "But I think the thing that will surprise you the most is what Audrey has to tell us."

All eyes turned towards Audrey. She smiled broadly, loving that all eyes were upon her. She smiled up at Dawson sitting next to her. "Well, as you all know I've spent the better part of my time telling you all how incestuous you are. I mean, really Joey is there a guy here you haven't kissed." They laughed. "But after being a part of this little group of inbreds I can see that maybe it's not such a bad thing you know. That maybe it's because you all really do love each other."

"I'm not really that found of Jen actually." Joey joked. "No offense Jen."

"None taken. The feelings mututal." She added smiling.

"So, it took me a while to actually admit that it might be ok for me to be falling for a certain movie director that I was spending a lot of time with in LA." They all looked at Dawson who just shrugged. "And believe me Bunny after knowing your whole Soul Mate thing with this guy I struggled with what was happening, felt guilty even. And when just recently he pop the question, and Joey he hasn't lost his dramatic flare I actually contemplated saying no because of what you might think. And to this very moment he doesn't have an answer from me, so Dawson…" She turned to him. "I don't expect to have what you and Joey have. I don't have your past, or your childhood, and really thank god cause I heard you were kind of a dork. But if the offer still stands, I'd like to say yes…. With Joey's blessing of course."

Joey looked shocked but happy. "You don't need my blessing. Congratulations!!!!" They all chimed in. It was as happy a nite as she'd ever had. They all looked dumbfounded when Joey told them about Max, and then confounded when she added that Pacey was her father. They recounted the even of Jen's wedding nite who decided she should take full credit for getting the "couple of the century" back together again. Pacey looked at Joey across the table. She avoided his eyes. They always broke her.

After dinner they all went back to their hotel room. The weekend was far from over. As they drove home, there was a contented silence in the car. Back at Joey's Pacey stopped in front instead of parking inside. They just sat there for a second.

"You know Potter, you always make me want to fight for you."

"You bought me a wall?"

"But this time it's different Joe. Not that I love you any less, cause if it's possible I think I love you even more." He pulled a box out of his pocket. Opened it. Joey started crying. "This was the nite I was going to ask you to marry me. I haven't been perfect Joe, but I never ran from this. And I'm sure you have your reason but they aren't good enough this time. So, just in case you think I didn't hear you earlier, I did. Loud and clear Joe. So I hope you don't mind if I don't walk you up. I'll pick Max up Monday morning. Good nite."

She didn't know what to say. So she just opened the car door and got out. Pacey drove away . And she just stood there. She went upstairs slowly. Walking instead of taking the elevator. When she got there Dawson opened the door.

"What the hell?"

He laughed. "It's been good to see you too Joey."

She paid Samantha for the nite and sat on the sofa next to Audrey.

"What's the matter smooches?" Audrey asked. Joey just lay her head on her shoulder.

"Do you ever think that some times high school was the easier time of your life."

"Oh god no! High school sucked!" Audrey answered enthusaitically.

Joey laughed. And they talked all nite. How Dawson and Audrey started dating and everything. She laughed until her cheeks hurts. At one point Max woke up and come into the living room. They all agreed she was definitely Pacey's daughter. The next morning Jen surprised her with donuts and coffee. The talked and laughed and took Max to meet Jack and Andie at McDonalds. Everyone was suppose to leave on Sunday but Jack and Jen talked about getting an apt together so he and Andie stayed. Audrey and Dawson were the only ones to leave. Getting on the plane she smiled and hugged then tightly. The next time they saw each other would be their wedding. Joey laughed at how things had changed. So many times, and in so many ways.


	5. Chapter 5

Monday morning came and although she watched the sunrise she barely noticed it. Getting Max ready for Pacey she smile and laughed, but worried about the knock at her door. Pacey came over and picked Max up, and very little words were exchanged. Joey took her shower and thought about him.

"I felt it. Your arm brushed up against me in bed this morning, and I felt it."

"How did it make you feel?"

"It made me feel alive."

She got dressed and drove to Dr. Lipton's office. Inside she sat at the desk at waited. Several minutes later he sat down to talk to her.

Back in the car she sat, staring straight ahead. Hands on the steerling wheel. She turned on the radio.

"Cause you had a bad day. Your taking one down. You sing a sad song just to turn it around."

She laughed. The irony in it made her smile. She drove home. Pulling down her visor she looked at the picture there. Pacey and Max.

At home she turned on the radio and lay on the sofa. She listened to the music and closed her eyes. All she could do was think. Sometimes it pissed her off. The door opened and in ran Maxie. She sat up and hugged her tightly. Pacey walked in behind her.

Max ran to her room to look for something she had told daddy about. Pacey just stood in the door way. Several minutes later Max ran back out and showed him what it was. She watched them talk and laugh and she was so envious of him. He excused himself and left. Max talked about talked non stop about her daddy and the day they had. After dinner she called Jen to see if she could watch Max for a few hours. Jen accepted, though she was sure it had to do more with Jack accepting. They came over and Joey acquainted them with everything. It was so good to have friends.

She looked at the address on the paper until she was sure it was here. The little brownstone matched the address Pacey had left her. This was the first time she'd been to his house. She knocked on the door and he opened it slowly. Surprised to see her, he invited her inside. They sat on his sofa, quite for a long time.

"So, what's going on here Joe?"

"Ok,…" She folded her hands and began. "In September I was diagnosed with breast cancer. They operated, and got what they felt was all of it. I began chemo in October. It's been very aggressive therapy for a while now, but he felt my chances were good. But this morning, when I went for therapy he pulled me into his office and told me that the radiation hasn't done what they hoped it would. In fact it seems that it's spread. And it's to a point where they can continue radiation, but it won't have much effect. So, the reality of it is that I don't have much time Pace. I didn't want you to have to go through this. I didn't want anyone to know. So when I told you it was over it wasn't because I didn't love your or god, want to marry you. Cause in all my life Pacey, I've never loved anyone more. But now, I need to know that you'll be there for Max."

Pacey held up a hand to stop her. There were no words that could possible make their way from his brain to his mouth. He paced the floor stopping to look at her monetarily before starting again. She just sat there, hands in her lap.

"Why didn't you tell me Joe? How could you have gone through this alone?"

"It made it easier I guess. Less real."

"And now…" he trailed off.

"Now I need to know that you'll be there for Max, Pace. Things are going to get worse for me and she'll need you."

"I need you." He said it straight out. No mixing words. "I've always needed you Joe. You are my strength. My anchor. My heart. There's no question that I'll be here for Max, but not just for her. I want to be here for you, I need to be here for you." He knelt down to hug her, but she quickly moved away.

"Don't Ok. Just don't."

"Joey, it ok…"

"No, it's not ok! It's not! I haven't been ok in so long that I can even remember what ok was like! I have a daughter! The most beautiful daughter in the whole world and she's going to grow up without me! You know, sometimes I foget what my mom looked like. I have to look a picture of her to remember. And it kills me to know that Max will be the same way, if not worse cause she's so little. She'll forget me Pacey. She'll grow up, get married, have kids of her own, and she won't even know who I was! And you! I finally get the chance I've always wanted. To be with the man that has made me love like I didn't know possible." Pacey walked over to her and grabbed her. She cried so hard her whole body shook. She practically collapsed in his arms and he went to the floor with her. She cried and he buried his head in her hair.

She cried and he whispered in her ear, "I won't let her forget you. She'll know you each and every day of her life. She grow up knowing how her mother, looked, and smelt, and how much she loved her. She get married and you'll be there. By her side, because she'll think of you. I promise you Joe, that she will know you. She will."

He held her until the crying subsided and she went home. When she was gone he walked all around his house. He couldn't sit still. Couldn't hardly breathe. Finally settling down on a kitchen table, turned to see a fly on the wall. He intended only to shoo it away, and put his hand through the wall. Dusting off plaster and blood he washed his hand in the kitchen sink. Leaning over the faucet he couldn't hold it back any more and the tears came. Slowly at first, and then he stopped washing his hands and held on to the counter while he cried like he had never cried before


	6. Chapter 6

-1Joey waited with Pacey in the back room. She had lost all of her hair and no matter what wig she and Jen tried, they simply all didn't look right. They waited there for the Wedding march to begin. He was Dawson's best man, and she the Maid of Honor. The dress looked at horrible as every nightmare she'd ever had about bride's maid dressed, but Audrey thought they were amazing. The chemo and the rest were getting the best of her but she had to be here for this, and so she sat. Hands folded in lap in a wheel chair, Pacey behind her. He'd been amazing, and she wondered about all the years she would miss with him. She wondered who he'd marry, and who would help raise Max. The thought sickened her and sated her, for she knew Max would be safe and loved. The music began and Pacey leaned in and kissed her on her head.

"You ready cue ball?" He asked.

"I'll never be ready to be seen in public in this dress, but go ahead anyway."

Pacey laughed. Still a smart ass. He pushed her up the aisle and though about how the last 6 months had gone. A blink. It seemed to have passed in merely a blink of the eye. He went to therapy with Joey on Monday, and Wednesday. He held her as she puked, and bushed he hair, before it had all fallen out. He held her through the shakes, and kissed her fevered forehead. And today he was walking down the aisle with her. Though no where near the way he's always imagined. Gail smiled as they passed her and Grams. He pushed her to her place up front and kissed her again on the cheek. The rest of the wedding party, Jen, Andie, and Jack and Kevin (Dawson's partner) all walked slowly behind Max, as a beautiful flower girl. She guided herself on momma's lap at the top.

The all watched as Dawson and Audrey exchanged their vows..

"Love is Patient, Love is Kind. Love forgives all."

"I do."

"I definitely do." Audrey smiled so wide it brightened the whole room.

They kissed, and the guests applauded. At the reception they all laughed and smiled and Joey sat quietly off to the side. She was watching everyone. She didn't want to forget this moment. These people. Her life. Max came running over, a dirty hem on her dress.

"Mom guess what?"

"What?"

"I was dancing with daddy and let me stand on his feet and told that I danced as good as you do."

Right then Pacey walked up. "Is that right." She smiled at him.

Max took off running again to play with the other kids. "That's right." He said.

"I hate to be party pooper but I'm not feeling too well Pace. I'm gonna go lay down."

"Oh Miss Potter, Your not leaving without dancing with me."

She gave him a look. "I can't Pacey."

"Oh please Potter…" he said sarcastically and he picked her up out of the chair and took her to dance floor with him. He held her and they danced.

How can I just let you walk away,

Just let you leave without a trace

There's so much I need to say to you

So many reasons why

You're the only one who really knew me at all

Well take a look at me now

There's just an empty space….

She held on to him and he held her. Closer and tighter. He knew that she would always, be the one. That no other women could ever hold a candle to her. The song eneded and he put her back in her chair and took her upstairs. He helped her change clothes and lay on the bed. He lay down next to her and held her. Her already small frame felt much smaller and weaker and it broke his heart. She fell asleep on his chest, and quietly wiped the tears from his eyes.

He gently got up from the bed when he heard the door open. Dawson and Jen brought Max upstairs.

"What are you two doing up here? Shouldn't you be busy, getting busy?" He laughed.

Audrey smiled slightly. "Is she sleeping?"

"Yeah."

They walked into the living room area of the suite. Audrey sat down in her overly puffy dress while Pacey got Max changed into her nite clothes.

"I wanna say good nite to momma." Max said.

"She's already sleeping baby." Pacey said.

"Daddy, is momma sick?"

They all looked at Pacey. He took Max into her room.

"Why do you ask that baby?"

"I don't know. Is she?" She pressed

"Yes she is."

"Is she gonna die?"

Pacey was taken aback with the bluntness of her question. "Not tonite." He smiled.

"What's wrong with her?"

"She sick, so sick that the doctors can't help her anymore, but you know what makes her feel better?"

"What?"

"You."

Max laughed. "When momma's gone are you gonna go too? Who will take care of me?"

Pacey's hear broke. "I'm not going anywhere baby. Daddy's right here and always will be." He hugged her tight. "Now it's time for you to visit dream land little lady." He kissed her on the forehead and tucked her in. He walked back into living area to find Dawson and Audrey now is street clothes.

"What happened to Wedding Barbie and Ken?"

Audrey smacked him. "Some things are more important then sex. Not many, but some, and Joey happens to be #1." There was silence in the room. "Be honest Pace. How is she?"

"Not good. She's already gone longer then the doctors said she would, but she's slipping fast."

"How are you?" Dawson's asked.

"I'm here."

They sat and talked for a while and then excused themselves.

Pacey just sat on the sofa in the silence.

Back in their room Audrey watched Dawson tentatively. "How are you?"

"Horrible. That's how I am. Horrible. I'm not sure how to.. or what…." He just sat on their bed. "I'm sorry about how tonite is turning out. This is supposed to be the best nite of your life, and I so wanted to give it to you."

"Honey, this is not the best nite of my life. Didn't intend for it to be. Do you know what was the best nite of my life?" He shook his head and sat down next to her. "Do you remember that nite at my apt, when I cooked the Shrimp Creole?" He raised his eyebrows. "Ok, attempted the shrimp, but wound up ordering pizza." He nodded. "That was it."

"That was the best nite of your life?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"Because we talked and laughed, and for the first time since being with you I realized that all my insecurities about Joey were dumb. Because while I may not ever be able to touch what you and Joey have, I know that what you and I have is different, and in ways better. We have no baggage. And I knew, I mean really knew that you loved me."

He kissed her and they lay together on the bed, talking and touching.


	7. Chapter 7

-1Several months had passed and school was in full swing. Max was having a harder and harder time not being with momma, and it killed Joey to hear her crying that she wanted momma to dress her, not Pacey. But she refused to give up. She wanted as much time as she could to see her baby. Pacey was by her side constantly. But this morning was different. He had only come into her room twice. There was lots of activity in the living room, and when she asked what was going on, he just told her he was cleaning.

At 2:00 he came in and helped her into the bathtub. He took a quick shower while she soaked. Getting out he helped her get dressed, but the tried to fight him about the dress he wanted her to wear.

"Why?"

"Because I'm asking you too."

Finally she relented and put on the stupid dress. He helped her into the living room, it took her breath away. It had been transformed into a violet and white fantasy. Jen, Jack, Bessie, Bodie, Alex, Dawson, and Very pregnant Audrey stood before a priest. Max walked over in her violet dress and smiled.

"Momma, I'm the flower girl again." She hugged Joey and straightened out her dress before walking before them and dropping flower petals on the floor.

"What is this Pacey?"

"Why Ms. Potter, it's our wedding!"

"What?"

"I thought it was about time I made an honest woman of you." With that he got down on one knee and asked her to marry him.

"Why Pacey?"

"Why?! Woman are you crazy?! Why, is because I love you, always have, and always will. And because this is what I want, and I know you want it too. You're just scared, well that's not allowed anymore Joe. YOU are not allowed to be scared, not of me. So, this is for us. So, that you can always remember me…"

Joey was crying. "I've love you Pacey."

"I'm taking that as a yes!" He said and jumped up and took her to the minister.

The ceremony was short and Joey needed to lie down after, but before she went to sleep she said,

"Thank you Pacey."

"For what?"

"For loving me. Loving Max."

"It's not like you gave me any choice in the matter Whitter. You just so damn adorable. Now get some sleep."


	8. Chapter 8

-1Pacey thought about that day constantly as he sat beside her hospital bed. Max lay next to Joey, sleeping. The machines click and ticked, and blinked and it annoyed him. Joey was barely breathing. They had all taken turns 24 hrs a day for the last 3 days. But Pacey never left her side. Her temperature had risen on Friday morning and he rushed her to the hospital. She'd been here since then. Lying silently. He held her hand, and brushed her hair and put Chap Stick on her lips. Today he felt her slightly squeeze his hand. He kissed her face. She touched the sound asleep Max and looked at him.

"Don't be sad." She said slowly. "For the first time in my life I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders."

He put her hand to his lips and kissed it. "I love you Joe."

She smiled and he sat back on the chair her hand still in his. Still trying to hold on tightly to him. She looked at Max and he did too. She was beautiful. Just like Joey when she was her age. "It's a good thing she got your looks." He laughed, but for only a second as he realized that her small grip on his hand was gone. "Joe? Joey?" He moved to her and realized she was not breathing. Her hand still on Max's little hand. "Joey…." Max woke up as the doctors came in the room. He held her close as the doctors noted the time of death.

It all seemed like some unreal thing. She was there. In that bed. Wearing their wedding ring, but she wasn't there. Max started crying, maybe some mother/daughter bond told her what was going on. He walked out of the room as Dawson and Audrey were walking in. They stopped when they saw him. Audrey started crying, and Dawson took Max from Pacey. Still dazed he walked back in the room. It was clear now, not beeping, or blinking, and the doctor said he would give him a few minutes. Pacey just stood here. He walked slowly over to the bed and felt like a small child again. He climbed onto the bed, the way Max had done and lay holding her, crying.


	9. Chapter 9

-1#1

#Pacey took Max to see Joey every Saturday. And today was no different. In fact today was the most important day of Max's life. Today she was getting married. She sat with Dad a long time at the cemetery.

"You look just like her."

"I know."

"You know?"

"Yep, especially when you took her to the senior prom." She laughed. "I wish she was here."

"Me too." He brushed aside several leaves that had fallen on the head stone.

"Can I as you a question dad?"

"Shoot."

"Why didn't you ever get remarried? I mean, "She brushed her hair behind her ear and he laughed at the mirror image of Joey sitting in front of him. "I don't think I've ever seen you even date some one. Aren't you lonely?"

"You know. I never really thought about it, but no I'm not lonely. I found the person, the only person I will ever love like that, and I've had more happiness with her then I could ever imagine having again. So, I'm contented by my self. You and your mom are all I ever needed."

"So Uncle Dawson is just chopped liver? Wait till I tell him that." She joked.

They went to the church together and Pacey noticed a familiar bracelet on her arm

"It's my mom's"

"I know."

"You do. How?

"Where did you get that Max?"

"This?" She motioned to her wrist and he nodded. "Actually, I found it. I know I probably shouldn't have kept it but there was no one around to question."

"Where did you find it?"

"Last Saturday when I was visiting mom, when I got up to leave it was on the ground. Why?"

"Can I see it?" She took it off and turned it over to see the initials LP on the back. He smiled and put it back on her wrist.

"You remember that?"

"I remember everything."

"What's wrong dad?"

"Nothing." He smiled. "Just make sure you hold on to that bracelet. Ok?"

"Ok."

"You ready for this daddy?"

He smiled and put his arm out for her to take.

While they waited for the wedding march to start Pacey laughed at Audrey and her daughter now 16, argue.

"Mom, I'm 16 ok. I'm old enough to make my own decisions."

"Listen to me for one final time Josephine Leery. The answer is still, and always will be NO. Get it. Got it. Good."

"Is Max Mine?"

He laughed and the music began. He was every inch the proud Papa. At the ceremony he barely contained himself during the father/daughter dance. Of course she made it worse by making them dance to Butterfly Kisses.

"I can't keep kissing you Joe."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean just that I can't keep kissing you."

And as her new husband took her hand he watched from the sidelines.

"I think I'm in love with you."

"You think or you know?"

"I know. I've known it since you kissed me, and maybe even before."

"So what are we gonna do here Joe?"

"I wanna come with you."

He smiled at the thought of her and as he watched their daughter dance he whispered softy, "I love you Joe."


End file.
